Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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