all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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