yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
