Too much gin, very little bucket
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
