Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
