I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
