one two three fourrrrnication!
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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