I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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