it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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