...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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