hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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