You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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