i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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