This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Oh god it's open bar.
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