So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
