he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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