New invention idea: vibrating tampons
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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