how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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