Your tits are I can't wait for
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I am midnight drunk by noon
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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