I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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