Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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