Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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