He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
