Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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