So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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