Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Sober January is a disaster.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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