Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
