I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Actions speak louder than pants.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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