New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
PANTIES FOUND
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