Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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