Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
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You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
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Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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