i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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