she was so not down for the gang bang
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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