hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I need to align my fucking chakras
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
