I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
