That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
