Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
