You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
