Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
