Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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