I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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