Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
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You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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