I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize