Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
People with herpes should wear stickers.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
