last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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