I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
