i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
