I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
