I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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