yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Randomize
