I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
