note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
