Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
