just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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