Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
