At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
