Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
i now understand why vodka
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
