Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
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I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
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I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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