just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
