Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm both gender and math confused
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
