There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
