We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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