Just cropdusted the office
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
