I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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