I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
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Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
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eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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