hotel room ftw
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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