You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
