I just made out with a guy for $7.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
