here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
