Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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