just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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