Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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