i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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