I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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